Incredible delusion

There followed a brief silence during which I kept a straight face. Suddenly it became plain that they were under the incredible delusion that I shot Theodore, but they didn’t care to say so in as many words, which was vastly diverting. Of course it was what they’d wanted, and had hinted to me through Prideaux, and Speedy, having seen the pistol in my hand and Theodore stark and stiff, had concluded that I’d done the dirty deed to save H.M.G. the painful embarrassment of having to try and possibly hang the black bugger. (“But no one must ever know, Sir Robert . . . controversy . . . press gang, scoundrel Stanley . . . questions in the house . . . uproar . . . regicide . . . scandalum magnatum . . . honour of the Army . . . “)


Flashman on the March, p.273, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2005.


Tags: Flashman, Flashman quotes, shot.

A glitter of sabres

A trumpet sounded, and across the Islamgee plain I saw a glitter of sabres where a squadron of bearded sowars were cantering to meet them — Bombay Lights, I’m told, and just the boys to do Theodore’s homework for him if he lingered.


Flashman on the March, p.262, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2005.


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Safety in numbers, what?

      “Careful o’ that one, sir. She’d a Haymarket Hussar,* and quite desperate altogether.” From which I gathered he, too, had taken the lady’s fancy, and avoided her for his own good.
      “Haymarket or Grant Road?” says I, and he said ’twas no joke, Theodore being a real mad miser with his women. “A fellow on sentry-go at the hareem cadged a cup of tej from one of the concubines, and was lashed to a pulp. Best to keep together when the likes of Madam Tamagno’s on the prowl; safety in numbers, what?”
      Unless she likes to drill by platoons,” says I, and he exclaimed “I say!” . . .


*Haymarket Hussar: a courtesan of the better class. Grant Road was the prostitutes’ quarter in Bombay


Flashman on the March, p.217, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2005.


Tags: Flashman, Flashman quotes, fancy.

Alice's tea party

. . . I, on the subject of bizarre conversation, had never thought to meet a crazier discourser than Hung-Hsiu-Chuan, leader of the Taiping Rebellion who was hopelessly mad, or Mangas Colorado, chief of the Mimbreno Apache, who was hopelessly drunk. I discovered in that hut under Selassie that I’d been quite wrong; King Theodore was both hopelessly mad and drunk, and could give either of them a head start and a beating in the race to Alice’s tea party.


Flashman on the March, pp.202-03, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2005.



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Hand raised

He stood in his stirrups, a hand raised. “The blessing of God upon you brave woman. And the blessing also on you, Ras Flashman, and His mercy and peace.” He wheeled his horse, and as he passed Gorilla Jane and the shattered wreck of Goram, he added: “Throw him on the fire.” So they did.


Flashman on the March, p.192, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2005.


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Mad King Theodore

To find myself in the presence of Mad King Theodore was enough to turn my bowels to buttermilk . . .

Flashman on the March, p.190, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2005.



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Warriors from their cradle

Speedy had said that of all the countless Galla tribes, the Wollos were the pick, and I could believe him and thank God they were Theodore’s sworn enemies, for if they’d opposed us I doubt if one of Napier’s army would ever have got back to the coast. They were warriors from their cradles, expert fighters, splendid horseman, and would rather cut throats than eat dinner.


Flashman on the March, p.145, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2005.


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Aldershot on a pension

“Theodore’ll have to die, somehow; can’t execute him, but can’t have him hanging around Aldershot on a pension, either. Public wouldn’t stand for it. He’ll just have to be done in on the quiet, accidental-looking.”
      “What hypocrites you are!”
      “No such thing. It’s just the civilised way of doing it, that’s all.”


Flashman on the March, pp.211-12, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2005.



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Charming monarchs

I was thinking of other charming monarchs I had known, like Ranavalona with her death-pits, and that noble savage Gezo of Dahomey bouncing about on his throne fairly slobbering with glee as his Amazons sliced up his victims with cleavers. Plainly Theodore was from the same stable. It’s enough to make you turn republican.


Flashman on the March, p.107, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2005.


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Another ruined village

We had reined in on the outskirts of yet another ruined village, beside a little walled enclosure filled with a great pile of bones, many of them plainly belonging to infants. I ain’t over-queasy, as you know, but the thought of how they’d come to be there turned my stomach. Uliba viewed them dispassionately.
       “Thus Theodore wins the love of his people.”


Flashman on the March, p.105, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2005.


Tags: Flashman, Flashman quotes, bones.