Nose down in the gutter

But we stopped off for punch on the way, and the little snirp got so fuddled he couldn’t even walk, We helped him along, but he was maudlin, so we took off his trousers in an alley off Regent street, painted his arse with blacking which we bought for a penny on the way, and then shouted, ‘Come on, peelers! Here’s the scourge of A Division waiting to set about you!’ And as soon as the bobbies hove in sight we cut, and left them to find our little friend, nose down in the gutter with his black bum sticking in the air.

Flashman at the Charge, p.25, Pan edition, 5th printing, 1979.

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A powder monkey’s a powder monkey

I found myself sharing the view of old General Scarlett, who once told me:
   ‘Splendid chaps the ordnance, but dammem, a powder monkey’s a powder monkey, ain’t he? Let ’em fill the cartridges and bore the guns, but don’t expect me to know a .577 from a mortar! What concern is that of a gentleman – or a soldier, either? Hey? Hey?

Flashman at the Charge, p.16, Pan edition, 5th printing, 1979.

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The greatest bore

…so I joined the Board of Ordnance. And it was the greatest bore, for his lordship proved to be one of those meddling fools who insist on taking an interest in the work of committees to which they are appointed – as if a lord is ever expected to do anything but lend the light of his countenance and his title.

Flashman at the Charge, p.16, Pan edition, 5th printing, 1979.

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Like father, like son

But I had my doubts about the paternity of little Havvy – so called because his names were Harry Albert Victor, and he couldn’t say ‘Harry’ properly, generally because his mouth was full. My chum Speedicut, I remember, who is a coarse brute, claimed to see a conclusive resemblance to me: when Havvy was a few weeks old, and Speed came to the nursery to see him getting his rations, he said the way the infant went after the nurse’s tits proved beyond a doubt whose son he was.

Flashman at the Charge, p.16, Pan edition, 5th printing, 1979.

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Hideous with his noise

Poor little Havvy, by the way, was our son and heir, a boisterous malcontent five-year-old who made the house hideous with his noise and was forever hitting his shuttlecocks about the place.

Flashman at the Charge, p.15/span>, Pan edition, 5th printing, 1979.

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Lordly lecher

I didn’t care for the sound of this; I knew Cardigan for as lecherous an old goat as ever tore off breeches.

Flashman at the Charge, p.15, Pan edition, 5th printing, 1979.

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Full of rage and stupidity

The country was full of discontent and mischief, largely because England hadn’t had a real war in forty years, and only a few of us knew what fighting was like. The rest were full of rage and stupidity, and all because some papists and Turkish niggers* had quarrlled about the nailing of a star to a door in Palestine. Mind you, nothing surprises me.

Flashman at the Charge, p.14, Pan edition, 5th printing, 1979.

*Flashman's use of racial epitahs is a continuing problem for more enlightened, contemporary readers. The inclusion of these passages should not be taken as tacit support of his misanthropic, 19th century view of race relations.

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A craze for growing moustaches

When there’s been a bad harvest, and workers are striking, and young chaps have developed a craze for growing moustaches and whiskers, just watch out.

Flashman at the Charge, p.14, Pan edition, 5th printing, 1979.

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If it comes to firearms

‘India and Afghanistan ain’t in the Haymarket, uncle,’ says I, looking humble-offended, ‘and if it comes to firearms, well, I’ve handled enough of ’em, Brown Bess, Dreyse needles, Colts, Lancasters, Brunswicks, and so forth’ – I’d handled them with considerable reluctance, but he didn’t know that.

Flashman at the Charge, p.13, Pan edition, 5th printing, 1979.

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Haymarket Hussar

‘Well-seasoned Haymarket Hussar,’ sniffs Bindley, who was from the common or Flashman side of our family, and hated being reminded of my highly-placed relatives.

Flashman at the Charge, p.13, Pan edition, 5th printing, 1979.

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Better qualified than most

I applied for the Board of Ordnance, for which I knew I was better qualified than most of its members, inasmuch as I knew which end of a gun the ball came out of.

Flashman at the Charge, p.13, Pan edition, 5th printing, 1979.

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No thank'ee

As one of the former bright particular stars of the cavalry, who had covered himself with glory from Kabul to the Khyber, and been about the only man to charge in the right direction at Chillianwallah (a mistake, mind you), I wouldn’t be able to say, ‘No, thank’ee, I think I’ll sit out this time.’ Not and keep any credit, anyway. And credit’s the thing, if you’re as big a coward as I am, and want to enjoy life with an easy mind.

Flashman at the Charge, p.12, Pan edition, 5th printing, 1979.

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Beat the drum

…and when the press starts to beat the drum and the public are clamouring for the foreigner’s blood to be spilled – by someone other than themselves – they have a habit of looking around for their old champions.

Flashman at the Charge, p.12, Pan edition, 5th printing, 1979.

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Flashman, Flashman quotes,press, public.