About to apply

. . . I was about to apply the Flashman half-nelson (buttoack in one hand, tit in t’other) when she drew her head back from mine . . .



Flashman on the March, p.70, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2005.


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Never mind the Moulin Rouge

My advice to young chaps is to never mind the Moulin Rouge and Pigalle, but make for some diplomatic mêlée on the Rue de Lisbonne, catch the eye of a well-fleshed countess, and ere the night’s out you’ll have learned something you won’t want to tell your grandchildren.


Flashman and the Tiger, p.16, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2000.


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The half-Flashman

…she writhed against me for five delicious seconds, and as I changed my grip to the half-Flashman—one hand on her right tit, t’other clasping her left buttock, and stand back referee—she slipped smoothly from my embrace.

Flashman and the Redskins, p.270, Pan Books edition, 1983.

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Sane in solitary confinement

I’ve heard of chaps who kept themselves sane in solitary confinement by singing all the hymns they knew, or proving the propositions of Euclid, or reciting poetry. Each to his taste: I’m no hand at religion, or geometry, and the only respectable poem I can remember is an Ode to Horace which Arnold made me learn as a punishment for farting at prayers. So instead I compiled a mental list of all the women I’d had in my life, from the sweaty kitchen maid in Leicestershire when I was fifteen, up to the half-caste piece I’d been reprimanded for at Cawnpore, and to my astonishment there were four hundred and seventy-eight of them, which seemed rather a lot, especially since I was counting return engagements. It’s astonishing really, when you think how much time it must have taken up.

Flashman in the Great Game, p.309, Pan edition, 4th printing, 1979.

Thou art no fool

      Ilderim glanced at me witheringly, and bit his nail in scorn.
      ‘Bloody Lance,’ says he, ‘ye may be as the bravest rider in the British Army and God knows thou art no fool – but with women thou art a witless infant.’

Flashman in the Great Game, p.173, Pan edition, 4th printing, 1979.

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A question of ethnic identity

She gave a frightened little moan, opened her eyes wide, and whispered:
     ‘You’re sure you’re Jewish … not … not Indian?’
     ‘Han, mem-sahib,’ says I, thrusting away respectfully, and she gave a contented little squeal and grappled me like a wrestler.

Flashman in the Great Game, p.141, Pan edition, 4th printing, 1979.

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Whiskery blandishments

…I wasn’t fooled by her airs, or the set-down she’d tried to give me by warning me not to try to come round her with whiskery blandishments.

Flashman in the Great Game, p.85, Pan edition, 4th printing, 1979.

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Sex kitten

I’ve seduced – and been seduced – in some odd ways, but never before with a kitten pressed into service as a pimp.

Flashman at the Charge, p.262, Pan edition, 5th printing, 1979.

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Get 'em excited

She shot me an adoring look over her shoulder, and I glanced down at her quivering bosoms and thought to myself, you’ll be in rare trim for another kind of game later. Get’em excited – a fight is best, with the claret flowing, but any kind of sport will do, if there’s a hint of savagery in it – and they’ll couple like monkeys.

Flash For Freedom!, p.33, Pan edition, 8th printing, 1980.

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Always the romantic

…where’s the fun if it’s all too easy, I told myself, and set to scheme how I might bring the lady to the sticking point, as we Shakespeare scholars say.

Flash For Freedom!, p.29, Pan edition, 8th printing, 1980.

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Young women

Usually, with young women, I get along all too well. Formal chit-chat isn’t my style – a little gallantry, a few jocularities to see if she will or won’t, a pinch on the buttocks, and off we go. Either that, or off I go.

Royal Flash, p.155, Pan edition, 8th printing, 1978.

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Practice makes perfect

…she was as practiced a seductress as ever wore out bed linen…

Royal Flash, p.82, Pan edition, 8th printing, 1978.

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