Death, destruction and national catastrophe

Of course, this was supposedly in the national character; it was proverbial that the Englishman displayed emotion only when faced by some truly earth-shaking crisis, like a cricket match, or the ill-treatment of an animal, or a rise in the price of beer; for such trivia as death, destruction and national catastrophe he was supposed to reserve an indifference that bordered on insanity.


Mr American, pp.510-11, Pan Books, paperback edition 1982.


Tags: Flashman, Flashman quotes, emotion.

Alice's tea party

. . . I, on the subject of bizarre conversation, had never thought to meet a crazier discourser than Hung-Hsiu-Chuan, leader of the Taiping Rebellion who was hopelessly mad, or Mangas Colorado, chief of the Mimbreno Apache, who was hopelessly drunk. I discovered in that hut under Selassie that I’d been quite wrong; King Theodore was both hopelessly mad and drunk, and could give either of them a head start and a beating in the race to Alice’s tea party.


Flashman on the March, pp.202-03, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2005.



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On the fly

He seized a spear from one of the guards on the fly, and began to stab the surrounding carpet, cursing something fearful. Then he flung the spear aside, shook his fists at heaven, and darted into the pavilion . . . and the assembled military and civilian worthies stood silent and thoughtful, determined not to look at each other, like a convocation of clergy when the bishop has farted extempore.


Flashman on the March, p.200, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2005.


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Another ruined village

We had reined in on the outskirts of yet another ruined village, beside a little walled enclosure filled with a great pile of bones, many of them plainly belonging to infants. I ain’t over-queasy, as you know, but the thought of how they’d come to be there turned my stomach. Uliba viewed them dispassionately.
       “Thus Theodore wins the love of his people.”


Flashman on the March, p.105, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2005.


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Desperate bad acting

You never saw such desperate bad acting — hands raised, eyes and mouth agog, worse than Irving hearing the bells. Then he glared like a mad marmoset, one finger outthrust.


Flashman and the Tiger, p.57, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2000.


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The Mad Sapper

Well, soldiering under Joe Wolseley had been bad enough, but a at least he was sane. Gordon? I'd as soon go to war with the town drunk. The man wasn't safe — sticking forks in people and scattering tracts around railway carriages and accosting perfect strangers to see if they'd met Jesus lately, I ask you! No a holiday abroad was indicated before the Mad Sapper came recruiting.


Flashman and the Tiger, p.49, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2000.


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Many people are

Again, he may simply have been as mad as a hatter; many people are, you know.


Flashman and the Angel of the Lord, pp.320-21, Harper Collins, 1995.


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Madmen with a mission

      Looking back on life, I guess I can’t complain on the whole, but if I have a grievance against Fate, it’s that I seem to have encountered more than my fair share of madmen with a mission. Perhaps I’ve been unlucky, or possibly most of mankind is deranged; maybe it was my stalwart bearing, or my derring-do reputation, but whatever it was, they came at me like wasps to a saucer of jam.

Flashman and the Angel of the Lord, p.98, Harper Collins, 1995.


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A killing rage

      They fought like madmen — and perhaps that was their undoing, for whenever the attack was beaten back they leaped down into the trenches to mutilate our wounded. Well, you don’t do that to Atkins, Sepoy and Ghurka if you know what’s good for you; our people stormed back at ’em in a killing rage, and when the scaling-ladders wouldn’t reach they climbed on each other’s shoulders and on the piled dead, and fairly pitchforked the Sikhs our of their first line of entrenchments, almost without firing a shot.


Flashman and the Mountain of Light, p.338, Fontana Paperback edition, 1991.



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Plainly must

…the man was plainly must,* doolali, afflicted of Allah, too long in the hills altogether — but one doesn’t like to say so, straight out, not to a chap who affects tartan pants and has a Khyber knife across his lap.


*Must is the madness of the rogue elephant. Doolali = insane, from Deolali Camp, inland from Bombay, where generations of British soldiers (including the editor) were received in India, and were supposedly affected by sunstroke.


Flashman and the Mountain of Light, pp.203-04, Fontana Paperback edition, 1991.



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Rightful place

      If life has taught me anything at all, it’s how to keep my countenance in the presence of stong, authoritative men whose rightful place is in a padded cell.


Flashman and the Mountain of Light, p.203, Fontana Paperback edition, 1991.


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Consolation of religion

Were Carpenter and his wife sufficiently demented for that? Presumably; if you’re religious you can believe anything.

Flashman and the Dragon, p.28, Fontana Paperback edition, 1986.

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The nature of evil

. . . I’ve heard some say she was just plain mad and didn’t know what she was doing. That’s an old excuse which ordinary folk take refuge in because they don’t care to believe there are people who enjoy inflicting pain. ‘He’s mad,’ they’ll say – but they only say it because they see a little of themselves in the tyrant, too, and want to shudder away from it quickly, like well-bred little Christians. Mad? Aye, Ranavalona was mad as a hatter, in many ways – but not where cruelty was concerned. She knew quite what she was doing, and studied to do it better, and was deeply gratified by it, and that’s the professional opinion of kindly old Dr Flashy, who’s a time-served bully himself.

Flashman's Lady, p.239, Pan edition, 1979.

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Shelley or one of those chaps

…the blighter was really mad about her, and not just to board and scuttle her, either, but with all the pure, romantic trimmings, like Shelley or one of those chaps. astonishing – well, I love her myself, always have, but not to put me off my food.

Flashman's Lady, p.197, Pan edition, 1979.

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Club members

      I’d never seen this before, although I’ve seen it more times than I care to count since – one man, mad as a hatter and drunk with pride, sweeping sane heads away against their better judgement. Chinese Gordon could do it, and Yakub Beg the Kirghiz; so could J.E.B. Stuart, and that almighty maniac George Custer. They and Brooke could have formed a club.

Flashman's Lady, p.139, Pan edition, 1979.

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The loveliest of all languages

If I hadn’t served long in Afghanistan, and learned the speech and ways of the Central Asian tribes, I suppose I’d have imagined that I was in a cell with a couple of madmen. But I knew this trick that they have of reviling those they respect most, in banter, of their love of irony and formal imagery, which is strong in Pushtu and even stronger in Persian, the loveliest of all languages.

Flashman at the Charge, p.221, Pan edition, 5th printing, 1979.

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Flashman, Flashman quotes,Pushtu, Persian.