Dam’ few crowned heads

      And their Christianity don't run to morality, not far at least. They lie and deceive with a will, drink to excess, slaughter each other for amusement, and the women couple like stoats. The corollary to their adage that ‘a virtuous woman is a crown to husband’ is that there are dam’ few crowned heads in Abyssinia, and hear, hear! say I, for ’twould be a cruel shame to have all that splendid married pulchritude going to waste.



Flashman on the March, p.22, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2005.


(With thanks to Dundrillon for suggesting this quote.)


Tags: Flashman, Flashman quotes, morality.

Companions in misfortune

. . . he had that dogged, quiet manner which is generally admired, especially by devout Christians. Not my style, but useful in companions in misfortune.


Flashman on the March, p.214, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2005.


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Deus vult engraved on the blade

. . . in addition to my Joslyn and cartridge-belt I had a dagger and a sword from the citadel’s armoury — not one of their sickle-blades but a straight cross-hilted weapon with Deus vult engraved on the blade — a Crusader sword, bigod, and why not, for if it was seven hundred years out of date it was still in a Christian land.



Flashman on the March, p.88, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2005.


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Elgin's fads

      “Synonymous be damned!” snaps Elgin. “H.M.G will not be drawn into war against the Taipings. We’d find ourselves with a new empire in China before we knew it.” He heaved up from the table and poured coffee from a spirit kettle. “And I have no intention, Parkes, of presiding over any extension of the area in which we exhibit the hollowness of our Christianity and our civilization. Coffee, Flashman? Yes, you can light one of your damned cheroots if you want to—but blow the smoke the other way. Poisoning mankind!”
      There you have three of Elgin’s fads all together — he hated tobacco, was soft on Asiatics, and didn’t care for empire-building. I recall him on this very campaign saying he’d do anything “to prevent England calling down God’s curse on herself for brutalities committed on yet another feeble Oriental race.” Yet he did more to fix and maintain the course of the British empire than any man of his day, and is remembered for the supreme atrocity. Ironic, ain’t it?


Flashman and the Dragon, pp.163-4, Fontana Paperback edition, 1986.



Tags: Flashman, Flashman quotes, Elgin.

Survive and prosper

      There’s no question that a public school education is an advantage. it may not make you a scholar or a gentleman or a Christian, but it does teach you to survive and prosper—and one other invaluable thing: style.

Flashman and the Redskins, p.148, Pan Books edition, 1983.

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The nature of evil

. . . I’ve heard some say she was just plain mad and didn’t know what she was doing. That’s an old excuse which ordinary folk take refuge in because they don’t care to believe there are people who enjoy inflicting pain. ‘He’s mad,’ they’ll say – but they only say it because they see a little of themselves in the tyrant, too, and want to shudder away from it quickly, like well-bred little Christians. Mad? Aye, Ranavalona was mad as a hatter, in many ways – but not where cruelty was concerned. She knew quite what she was doing, and studied to do it better, and was deeply gratified by it, and that’s the professional opinion of kindly old Dr Flashy, who’s a time-served bully himself.

Flashman's Lady, p.239, Pan edition, 1979.

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Tartan carpets

…she suddenly accused a young nobleman of being a secret Christian . . . there and then he was submitted to ordeal . . . they boiled up a cauldron of water . . . he tried to snatch coins out of the bubbling pit, plucking and screaming while the rest of us tried not to be sick . . .
      Not quite what we’re accustomed to at Balmoral, you’ll agree, but at least Ranavalona didn’t go in for tartan carpets.

Flashman's Lady, p.239, Pan edition, 1979.

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Making light of your troubles

At any other time I’d have given him a piece of my mind, for if there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s those hearty, selfish, muscular Christians who are forever making light of your troubles when all you want to do is lie whimpering.

Flashman's Lady, p.103, Pan edition, 1979.

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A cold tub and a ten-mile walk

He was as tall as I was, brown-faced and square-chinned, with a keen look about him, as though he couldn’t wait to have a cold tub and a ten-mile walk. A Christian, I shouldn’t wonder, and no smoking the day before the match.

Flashman's Lady, p.15, Pan edition, 1979.

Tags:Flashman, Flashman quotes, Christian.

Memories of Tom Brown

…oh, aye, that brought back Master Brown to memory sharp enough. He was the mealy, freckled little villain who tried to steal my sweepstake ticket, damn him – a pious, crawling little toad-eater who prayed like clockwork and was forever sucking up to Arnold and Brooke – ‘yes, sir, please, sir, I’m a bloody Christian, sir’…

Flashman in the Great Game, p.334, Pan edition, 4th printing, 1979.

Tags:
Flashman, Flashman quotes, Tom Brown.

Sins so blacker

Why? Because we were Christian, and supposed to know better? – and becaue England contains this great crowd of noisy know-alls that are forever defending our enemies’ behaviour and crying out in pious horror against our own. Why our sins are always so much blacker, I can’t fathom.

Flashman in the Great Game, p.253, Pan edition, 4th printing, 1979.

Tags:
Flashman, Flashman quotes, sin.

Squaring the account

I’ve heard some amazing declarations in my time, but this babbling was extraordinary. It comes of Christian upbringing, of course, and taking cold baths, all of which implants in the impressionable mind the notion that repentance can somehow square the account.

Flashman in the Great Game, p.210, Pan edition, 4th printing, 1979.

Suppressing wickedness

      ‘Oh, aye – we hear much of them, and how the company suppressed their wickedness. And why – because they slew travellers, or was it because they served a Hindoo god and so offended the Christian Company?’ She eyed me contemptuously. ‘Belike had the Thugs been Jesus-worshippers, they would have been roaming yet – especially if they had chosen Hindoo victims.’
      You can’t argue with gross prejudice, so I looked amiable…

Flashman in the Great Game, p.91, Pan edition, 4th printing, 1979.

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Flashman, Flashman quotes,thugee, India.

A bit rough (even for someone like Mark Steyn)

The camp ground was littered with spent shot and rubbish and broken gear among the pools of congealed blood – my stars, wouldn’t I just like to take one of our Ministers, or street-corner orators, or blood-lusting, breakfast-scoffing papas, over such a place as the Alma Hills – not to let him see, because he’d just tut-tut and look anguished and have a good pray and not care a damn – but to shoot him in the belly with a soft-nosed bullet and let him die screaming where he belonged. That’s all they deserve.

Flashman at the Charge, p.72, Pan edition, 5th printing, 1979.

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Flashman, Flashman quotes,Crimean War, shoot.

Give them a chance

One meets them, of course. I’ve known hundreds. Give them a chance to do what they call their duty, let them see the hope of martyrdom – they’ll fight their way on to the cross and bawl for the man with the hammer and the nails.

Flashman, p.234, Pan edition, 12th printing, 1979.

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