Wings to my wits

      There’s no doubt about it, I’m good at dealing with barmy savages. They scare the bile out of me, and perhaps terror lends wings to my wits, for when i think of the monsters I’ve conversed with and come away with a whole skin, more or less . . . Mangas Colorado, Ranavalona, General Sang-kol-in-sin, Crazy Horse, Dr. Arnold, God knows who else . . . well, it took more than luck, I can tell you. You must know when to grovel and scream for mercy, but also when to take ’em aback with impudence or argument or pure bamboozle.


Flashman on the March, pp.189-90, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2005.



Tags: Flashman, Flashman quotes, terror.

Encountering royalty

      You never know what to expect on encountering royalty. I’ve seen ’em stark naked except for wings of peacock feathers (Empress of China), giggling drunk in the embrace of a wrestler (Maharani of the Punjab), voluptuously wrapped in wet silk (Queen of Madagascar), wafting to and fro on a swing (Rani of Jhansi), and tramping along looking like an out-of-work charwoman (our own gracious monarch).


Flashman on the March, pp. 148-9, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2005.


Tags: Flashman, Flashman quotes, royalty.

Charming monarchs

I was thinking of other charming monarchs I had known, like Ranavalona with her death-pits, and that noble savage Gezo of Dahomey bouncing about on his throne fairly slobbering with glee as his Amazons sliced up his victims with cleavers. Plainly Theodore was from the same stable. It’s enough to make you turn republican.


Flashman on the March, p.107, Harper Collins, paperback edition 2005.


Tags: Flashman, Flashman quotes, monarchy.

The nature of evil

. . . I’ve heard some say she was just plain mad and didn’t know what she was doing. That’s an old excuse which ordinary folk take refuge in because they don’t care to believe there are people who enjoy inflicting pain. ‘He’s mad,’ they’ll say – but they only say it because they see a little of themselves in the tyrant, too, and want to shudder away from it quickly, like well-bred little Christians. Mad? Aye, Ranavalona was mad as a hatter, in many ways – but not where cruelty was concerned. She knew quite what she was doing, and studied to do it better, and was deeply gratified by it, and that’s the professional opinion of kindly old Dr Flashy, who’s a time-served bully himself.

Flashman's Lady, p.239, Pan edition, 1979.

Tags:Flashman, Flashman quotes, evil.

Tartan carpets

…she suddenly accused a young nobleman of being a secret Christian . . . there and then he was submitted to ordeal . . . they boiled up a cauldron of water . . . he tried to snatch coins out of the bubbling pit, plucking and screaming while the rest of us tried not to be sick . . .
      Not quite what we’re accustomed to at Balmoral, you’ll agree, but at least Ranavalona didn’t go in for tartan carpets.

Flashman's Lady, p.239, Pan edition, 1979.

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Entertaining the troops, and her majesty

This [flogging a colonel] shocked the officers, entertained the troops and delighted her majesty, if the glitter in her eyes was anything to go by . . . as soon as the lashing started I noticed her hand clenching at every stroke, and when the poor devil began to squeal, she grunted with satisfaction. It’s a great gift, knowing the way to a woman’s heart.

Flashman's Lady, pp.235-6, Pan edition, 1979.

Tags:Flashman, Flashman quotes, flogging.